Farewell. I'll miss you forever.

I can't stop crying I can't stop pretending I'm happy I can't live without him, I am overfilling of feelings I don't want my life like this nobody can help me just me, and it's harder and harder everyday I readed that you have to give 3 days for your brain to keep calm and carry on but I can't it's my third day and I still feel like it was an hour ago when he said “Goodbye”

Farewell. I hate myself for not telling what I feel for you, like someone said: “It's better regret what you've done than regret what you've never done.”

You'll always have my pen but you'll never know it's mie.

Lately

From the last post I made 'till today my life changed a little bit, my friend have noticed that something's happening to me and he feels bad for me because he can't do nothing but he can't realise that even if I tell him what's wrong with me he can't do nothing or what? He's going to listen he maybe will say something irrelevant that will not fulfill my problem and… done. After telling him I know he will be worse 'cuz there's no thing he could do for me to' feel better, my mom is cheating my dad and I'm not right with my feelings I am like an atomic-bomb and I don't want to use him as my Japan, thing that he told me he want to be, but I can't tell him my problems after knowing what he thinks about me. I will explain:

1. He knew a new friends group.

2. He doesn't like watching me around his friend house, I don't know why but it's like if he doesn't want me to know him/them because it's easy to me make friends even if I knew them before and I think he's afraid about that. I will never steal his friend…

3. He told me exactly: “I knew {Friendname} just for 6 months and when I see him I already know what's going on on his life, but when I see you, I don't know what's going on, and I feel bad because I think you are more important to me than {friendname} ”

Thats it, what I have to do? After he told me that I stopped talking I couldn't believe that my best friend think that best friends are those who tell all the things each other, not the ones that would ask 65€ to his parents for his friend because this one lost the money the other trusted.

Xoxo Lalo

"No regrets, no apologizes, just your life, just your decisions."

Slutty Bitch

I realise that I am the slutty bitch of my friends group, OMG! I am mean, if I have the opportunity to steal my friends boyfriends, well... I could never do that, I am not the Slutty thing but I think that I could be dating more than one guy at a time, but it's just like a dream? Maybe I am such a bitch, I just want to date someone for hurting him/them, I know it's wrong but in my mind sounds... ok even worse but... ok that's no excuses to be such a bitch slutty mother bitch fu*** OMG! This blog is like a QUEEN blog, I am not like that I don't know why in my blog I always act like this. Well, let's start from the beggining.

Since I was born I always feel that something is different inside of me, like what I feel for boys? after watching "Jurasic Park" and fall in love with that skinny little boy (Joseph Mazzello) please, don't look at me like that at 5 years old I was in love with that kid just because I was a kid, lol. Well I couldn't tell anybody about it just because my parents would probably hit me or even I thought they were going to sent in adoption! It wasn't a wrong thought btw... After years of knowing what was going on with me I constantly felt things about guys and that thing was always on my mind, well is still only in my mind, and in that blog. Some boy have flirt with me?  or something like this but I said always a big NO. I really wanted to kiss them hold them but I always thought about the consequences and what a child never want is to loose his family even if that means not loving anyone, now that I'm 19 I think about all the things I lost and all the things I need and nobody can give me, so I made a pact with myself, I have to send all my angry and pain out of my body and my first "boyfriend" (when I get one) will recive the damage, but that's not the solution and that was just a thing that I wrote in my moleskine, a thing I will never do, a thing that should never be written, but I think that always the damage is explodes in my face, even if I throw it in someone else face.

I don't like being a slutty bitch, I am not a slutty bitch, just a guy who felt pain and was looking for fix those things in a wrong way, hope someone will get me out of the pain and never let me fall down like I did last year.

xoxo. Lalo

"No regrets, no apologizes, just your life, just your decisions."

SCREAMO

Have you ever felt like the sheets are tight and you need space, but when you stand up of the bed and see your room the space from you to the walls are even smaller than the space that the sheets lets you to breath. That's the moment when you just run away from your house to look for some place with oxigen, some space, breath, no problems, nothing to care about, nothing, absolutly nothing, but here's the problem, there's no place where you can hide from your problems, 'cause they're in this place where you can't run away from, and this place, is you.

good night. Lalo.

Lalo it's me, I think I should hide my real name for a while, or forever, Lalo is the contraction of my real name, it's cool and just 1 person have called me like that, he was like my best/first crash, like first love? I mean someone who I could reach. But that's another story. xoxo.

"No regrets, no apologizes, just your life, just your decisions."

ROGER RABBIT

Friends, they're everything in highschool, but after that, they're nothing. People don't realise about it until it happens, nobody can help you the lonelyness they left inside you is like your family have left you in a small corner. That's why people try to find that person who complete them who will never let them alone, who will love you 'till the life ends.

The sad true is that no everyone find it, some people just settle for one person who just will never leave even if they don't feel love, that makes me sad. I want someone in my life who loves me as I will.

But first I have to fall out of love and set me free of the prison that I got myself into, find a new way in life, get out of the pain in my chest thats just enough of being like that crap I am already 19 it's time to be loved time to be me time to be like I want not hiding it is just my birthday wish "Be me" not like whe I blew the candles... "J." good wish... he will always my wish but come on!! To waste a wish I could have asked for the moon. Overall, my wish will never meet ...

It's because of me! Everything I am just too "shy?" it's not the perfect word but I am afraid, like really afraid about rejection he will never be with someone like me, I don't feel that I'm enough to complete someone, or I'm not too pretty or sexy, those things are for the people who's in the movies and their attractive are just hide into the character, but then they're fuck sexy. I am not like that, not ugly, a bit pretty, but not enough, that's why I added that video in the post, this song define my situation about that mad thing, is like if he's singing to me and saying "Tell him, untile is too late."

Nobody's gonna feel your pain 

When all is done  

and it's time for you to walk away

Love xxxx bye
- Lalo.

"No regrets, no apologizes, just your life, just your decisions."