What I need...?

Hello again, I've been thinking of how I could continue this blog.

Since my last post I've grow a lot, now I don't feel these depressed feelings... well except yesterday when I was driving and I crushed my car it was just a little glass broken... the fact is that I felt alone or maybe I should say unprotected or with no shoulder to lean on.

I just need a boyfriend, it's weird  to say it because I've been saying all of my life "The love will come whe the love wants." but  maybe shouldn't I force the things a little just to help the destiny? or just do things to make destiny happens, right? Nevermind to say it... The love will come when the love wants. Lying on the sofa I won't find anyone, but what should I do? I'm going highschool! The people are always hiding their feelings just to be "normal", I can study extracurricular art classes, in extreme cases I could join these social networks for flirting, these that I hate and I don't think anyone could find their love there. oh damn I need someone.

This theme is always in my mind and I haven't found anyone/any answer yet and I won't have the answer NEVER. Ian Somerhalder will always be my boyfriend. LOL.

I BROKE UP WITH THE UNKNOW?

I've been in a hole for a while, now I am just knowing where the exit were, the problem was me, all this time was me, I needed to realise that I am too good for some people and some people just don't deserve my attention.

Yesterday my friends & I meet to talk with Unknow but I was ill really, really ill, then when they told him everything about the situation we were with him, he just left, he LEFT! Not in the way you get out to breath and then fight for your honor, he fled with their tails between their legs, like a coward. Then my friends told me everything and I was like "I'm ill I don't care I just want to lie in my bed and wait for redemption..." after that I went to my Unknow friend profile to see what he post about that or something, but nothing! There were nothing on his profile! because he unfriended me then I told him why, 'cause to my knowledge, I didn't do anything to him,  but after talking and talking and more talking I realise the I've never known him, I did a lot of things for him that he didn't I probably left people for him or make fun of them just to make him happy? I don't know if it's the right word for that but the point is that he0s the Unknown and you better stay the fuck away from these people before the could hurt you.

I can breathe, I am free, I've been looking for that for so long, just thanks for make my choice much easier.

xoxo. Lalo.

ALIVE

I've been spinning around circles and now that I left the circle I stopped, now I can look at the horizon and be happy, I don't have the answer about unlove someone, but if you left the one you love and never see him again you're going to' feel pain at the beginning, I cried like I've never done but now that I spent all the tears and spent all the time I needed, now I can shine again, I will return the sing lessons and maybe I'll buy a new guitar and all the songs I wrote for him will find a way out and maybe could change someone's mind and a way out of the pain, I'll probably make a group and find a job, it's hard to find one but there's no win without any loose. I have to finish high school first.

—XOXO Lalo

Farewell. I'll miss you forever.

I can't stop crying I can't stop pretending I'm happy I can't live without him, I am overfilling of feelings I don't want my life like this nobody can help me just me, and it's harder and harder everyday I readed that you have to give 3 days for your brain to keep calm and carry on but I can't it's my third day and I still feel like it was an hour ago when he said “Goodbye”

Farewell. I hate myself for not telling what I feel for you, like someone said: “It's better regret what you've done than regret what you've never done.”

You'll always have my pen but you'll never know it's mie.

Lately

From the last post I made 'till today my life changed a little bit, my friend have noticed that something's happening to me and he feels bad for me because he can't do nothing but he can't realise that even if I tell him what's wrong with me he can't do nothing or what? He's going to listen he maybe will say something irrelevant that will not fulfill my problem and… done. After telling him I know he will be worse 'cuz there's no thing he could do for me to' feel better, my mom is cheating my dad and I'm not right with my feelings I am like an atomic-bomb and I don't want to use him as my Japan, thing that he told me he want to be, but I can't tell him my problems after knowing what he thinks about me. I will explain:

1. He knew a new friends group.

2. He doesn't like watching me around his friend house, I don't know why but it's like if he doesn't want me to know him/them because it's easy to me make friends even if I knew them before and I think he's afraid about that. I will never steal his friend…

3. He told me exactly: “I knew {Friendname} just for 6 months and when I see him I already know what's going on on his life, but when I see you, I don't know what's going on, and I feel bad because I think you are more important to me than {friendname} ”

Thats it, what I have to do? After he told me that I stopped talking I couldn't believe that my best friend think that best friends are those who tell all the things each other, not the ones that would ask 65€ to his parents for his friend because this one lost the money the other trusted.

Xoxo Lalo

"No regrets, no apologizes, just your life, just your decisions."

Slutty Bitch

I realise that I am the slutty bitch of my friends group, OMG! I am mean, if I have the opportunity to steal my friends boyfriends, well... I could never do that, I am not the Slutty thing but I think that I could be dating more than one guy at a time, but it's just like a dream? Maybe I am such a bitch, I just want to date someone for hurting him/them, I know it's wrong but in my mind sounds... ok even worse but... ok that's no excuses to be such a bitch slutty mother bitch fu*** OMG! This blog is like a QUEEN blog, I am not like that I don't know why in my blog I always act like this. Well, let's start from the beggining.

Since I was born I always feel that something is different inside of me, like what I feel for boys? after watching "Jurasic Park" and fall in love with that skinny little boy (Joseph Mazzello) please, don't look at me like that at 5 years old I was in love with that kid just because I was a kid, lol. Well I couldn't tell anybody about it just because my parents would probably hit me or even I thought they were going to sent in adoption! It wasn't a wrong thought btw... After years of knowing what was going on with me I constantly felt things about guys and that thing was always on my mind, well is still only in my mind, and in that blog. Some boy have flirt with me?  or something like this but I said always a big NO. I really wanted to kiss them hold them but I always thought about the consequences and what a child never want is to loose his family even if that means not loving anyone, now that I'm 19 I think about all the things I lost and all the things I need and nobody can give me, so I made a pact with myself, I have to send all my angry and pain out of my body and my first "boyfriend" (when I get one) will recive the damage, but that's not the solution and that was just a thing that I wrote in my moleskine, a thing I will never do, a thing that should never be written, but I think that always the damage is explodes in my face, even if I throw it in someone else face.

I don't like being a slutty bitch, I am not a slutty bitch, just a guy who felt pain and was looking for fix those things in a wrong way, hope someone will get me out of the pain and never let me fall down like I did last year.

xoxo. Lalo

"No regrets, no apologizes, just your life, just your decisions."

SCREAMO

Have you ever felt like the sheets are tight and you need space, but when you stand up of the bed and see your room the space from you to the walls are even smaller than the space that the sheets lets you to breath. That's the moment when you just run away from your house to look for some place with oxigen, some space, breath, no problems, nothing to care about, nothing, absolutly nothing, but here's the problem, there's no place where you can hide from your problems, 'cause they're in this place where you can't run away from, and this place, is you.

good night. Lalo.

Lalo it's me, I think I should hide my real name for a while, or forever, Lalo is the contraction of my real name, it's cool and just 1 person have called me like that, he was like my best/first crash, like first love? I mean someone who I could reach. But that's another story. xoxo.

"No regrets, no apologizes, just your life, just your decisions."