There's a lot of doctors around the world, a lot of people in the university learning about mental diseases, but is only you the one who knows what happens in your head, like me right now. I will turn 19 years old, my apocalypse is near! Everyone have been looking for love or looking for something, I just don't think I could find it, a place, a lover, even if I try. Love have been always a tabu subject for me just because I like boys, nobody knows it, and I already have a homo friend, lately I don't know if he's my friend, but that is another story that I am not going to write about because it doesn't make any sense. This year have a name, surname and last name J., yeah it's the first time I write that name, I can't even pretend I am not nervous just hearing this name, he's my teacher, but not a school teacher or something like that, he's my driving school teacher, not so gorgeous but still damn lovely, he have blue eyes and are the bluest eye I've ever seen I think he should be on the Record Guiness book. He's my longer crash and the onlyone who made me loose my mind for a while, {eventrytokillmyself} I can't even remember my life before I met him just so weird, I was happy! DAMN HAPPY! I miss myself, the one who laugh about everything, the stupid boy who make laugh even the most rude boy of the class and nobody try to know who's him 'cause everybody knows.
Now I'm the boy who sits in the corner of the class and don't talk to anyone 'cause the onlyone who want to hear a word from is J. and he's not looking for me specially... he's looking for "a good cunt for having fun" I think I should buy one of them, every guy want one, where do people sell them? {JustKiddin'} I love being a man. J. is not homo, but sometimes I thought he was, I am a masculine boy not those princess who call themselfs "bitxess!!" and his signs were like: ·Touching my hair A LOT! ·Putting his hand on the back of my neck HELLO?! ·Making fun of my face when I recently woke up and the he said "he's prettier but he just have morning face" ·"-You know how I want you? -What!? -How I want you to said, I said." WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!? He always say it to every guy! Hello!?
But no matter what signs or something I think I lost him, yeah, he must have girlfriend he act weird and he doesn't say or make any of those things I mentioned he just sit on the car seat and say "left" "right" I'm done with him, I know it's not good for my brain thinking those things all night long but it's just the only time I have for me! The time when nobody tell me nothing and I can put my speakers on and leave the town and let's have my diary insomnia. So no matter what the signs tell you, just hear what your heart says and if you feel that there's nothing left to do or you think it's a waste of time telling what you feel then you're like me, and if you are strong enough to tell everyone how you feel about them, then, you're my F hero.
love xxxx bye.
-Lalo.
"No regrets, no apologizes, just your life, just your decisions."
I remember the dinner it was like if I was drowing with every bite, the salad was tearing me down, but I was there eating watching TV wishing to go out and scream as loud as I can. Even today I don't know what to do what to say I'm stock with that, should I tell someone? should I be just that quiet? I don't know.
